Newly Diagnosed

What Do You Do When You Get the Most Devastating News of Your Life?

Upon getting the initial diagnosis, my life flashed before my eyes. I suddenly felt very fragile, terrified, and hopeless, and lost.That future I envisioned for myself and my family crumbled, leaving uncertainty and fear in its place. I found that I truly didn’t know how many days I had left on Earth. I realized that every minute is precious and sacred and time is the most valuable currency. I had deluded myself into believing I had the luxury of living a long life surrounded by my family. When the shock and dust settled, I found myself on a path toward exploring how to take some control back from cancer and change my life and habits. 

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The cancer patient experience is like working on a puzzle without knowing what the big picture looks like and getting one piece at a time. Here are some of the pieces, wisdoms, mantras, phrases, and ideas that have supported me:

• Every moment is precious. The rug has just been swept out from under your feet. Look at your life and see what is most important to you. Choose where you place your energy based on what makes your heart sing, sparks joy, and resonates with your core values. 

• Feel it to heal it. Feel all of the emotions. Feel that anger, shame, grief, guilt, devastation, fear, anguish. Let the emotions move in, through, and out of you so you can continue living your life unencumbered by the past and not frozen by your emotions. That being said, some emotions don't have a timeline and can surprise you. Learn skills to recognize them so you can reframe and be present. Working with a counselor, therapist, or spiritual guide can help you explore and manage big emotions so they don't overtake your life and you can focus on healing.  

• Look down with compassion, back with forgiveness, up with gratitude and forward with hope. Yes, this a terrible shock and devastating. Look for the hidden blessings and find gratitude even in the toughest of times. Find faith, joy, hope and gratitude. Start a gratitude journal, and write down one thing every day that you are grateful for. It can be that the sun came up (and that you are alive to see it) or a fuzzy hooded bathrobe to warm a bald head! 

• "Put your name on your shirt, so they know who to cheer for"- (Robin Arazon). You are running a race that you never wanted signed up for. Let others know and ask them for help and support. This is going to be challenging. People want to help you. Ask for help with a meal train, rides to appointments, walking buddies, childcare, or encouragement. Asking for help is a sign of strength. It's brave to be vulnerable. 

• Movement is medicine. Move your body every day. You will have good days and bad days. Listen to your body and challenge yourself. Movement during cancer treatment helps with side effects and makes you feel better. Our bodies were designed to move for optimal health. So get moving!​

• Just enough light for the step that you’re on. Be where your feet are. One step at a time, one day at a time. If you worry about tomorrow today, you live through the anxiety twice and you aren't present for today's beauty. Leave tomorrow up to tomorrow. I can only see what’s right in front of me, and I can’t even fathom the way that this story is unfolding down the road and all the pieces that are moving into place to provide support.

• Find and listen to your intuition by listening to yourself and your inner whispers. You know yourself the best. If you hear that inner critic, speak to them lovingly like a little child or dear loved one and ask them to leave or be silent. Your inner dialogue is incredibly powerful since it’s the one you hear the most. What are the messages that you’ve been telling yourself? Would counseling, trauma therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy resolve old issues, unlearn preconceived or inherited ideas?

• Find your guides and listen to those that you trust. Listen to yourself first and make sure that any other voices that you pick to listen to are credible, have your best interest at heart, and are telling you positive encouraging messages. Positive phrases that I’ve heard or read from family, friends, healers, fitness instructors, podcasts, books, meditations or affirmations pop up in my mind and keep me going.​

• Horses run with blinders, you should to. Comparison is the thief of joy. Stay in your own lane, let others live in their lane, and give the rest up to the divine. We are all facing our own struggles, and it's hard to not resent those who aren't facing cancer. We all go through difficult times and you never know what someone is privately facing. Try not to compare struggles. Every person’s cancer fight is different. There are so many factors that make up cancer; age, stage, tumor profile, hormone status, genetic mutation, family structure, support network, geography, environment, finances, life stressors. Just because a friend has a similar tumor, had the same treatment, and then had a relapse does not mean that you will follow that same path. Control what you can control, and learn from others, but don’t try to keep up. There is only one you. 

• Protect your peace. Put your world in Do Not Disturb Mode. Fiercely control your space. Think of all the notifications and interruptions and “emergencies” we are bombarded with everyday. Select what music, news media, social media, people and things you come in contact with. Avoid stressful energies and toxic interruptions. Invite only supportive positive people into your home, and get rid of things that don’t bring you joy. Choose what you take into your mouth, ears, eyes, and what you touch so that you are vibrating at your own healing energy frequency mentally, physically and emotionally. While we don’t have the luxury to curate everything in our life, you can start small. Find one little corner of your home space and create a peaceful sanctuary with calming things you can touch, see, and hear. 

• Self-care is not selfish! Set boundaries to put yourself first. Take 10 minutes every day to journal, recite an affirmation, listen to a meditation, close your eyes and be with the silence. Naps are are self-love. Discipline and boundaries are forms of self-love. Commit to you. 

• Boost your body’s own miraculous mechanisms of health. Revamp your routine - mind, body and spirit to enable your body to do its best job. I know it may seem that your body let you down, but remember that your body wants to live and naturally fights cancer (in addition to a myriad of life sustaining functions) without you even knowing it everyday. 

• Do It Afraid. In other words, “Just do it!” God (the Divine) will bless the try. Trust your intuition and just do it. Do it afraid, but do it. You will never know unless you try. Take that leap and try your best. If it doesn’t work, try something else. 

• Not a single one of us has an expiration date printed on us. I have performed thousands of full body skin examinations, but I have never seen an expiration date on someone’s skin. Yes, our bodies will break down and one day we will die. We don't know when our last breath will be, and that is further motivation to embrace the moments that you have and live life to the fullest. But also remember that you are more than your prognosis. If a provider gives you odds like a 1% chance of 5 year survival, then do it your way and be that 1%. If you are given weeks, take months. There has never been anyone like you in the world fighting cancer at this moment in time, and medicine is rapidly changing. Be realistically optimistic and determined. 

• Cancer will change you. This may be shocking to hear. Some of these changes will be temporary and some permanent. You might not like some changes and you might wish you could have your pre-cancer reality back. Some changes you may enjoy. However, this is your chance. Your life is drastically changing, so be the creator of the masterpiece that is your life. Do not let anything or anyone hold you back, especially cancer.